Things I wish I didn’t know
There are some things I wish I didn’t know. Such as:
1. How many calories there really are in a Cinnabon
2. That Jude Law cheated on his wife (he’ s never been the same for me since)
3. That my ex-boyfriend is now married
The last one is what had me in a funk all day yesterday. I “just happened” to come across my ex-boyfriend’s (one of the good ones, not the most recent ex) wedding announcement on the Internet along with a link to the photo album from his wedding in December.
Complete with pictures of him gazing adoringly into his new wife’s eyes, holding hands in sepia-toned bliss and grinning as he slipped off her garter.
Kill me now.
I literally got chills all over my body, then broke out into a cold sweat and I had to shut my office door – yes, I was doing this at work – because I was tearing up at the sight of it all.
I don’t know why it affected me so much. If you’d have asked me earlier this week, I would have confidently told you that I was 100% over him. I’m still dumbfounded that I felt so sad about the news.
After talking to my mom and a few friends, though, I’m a little relieved to hear that my reaction was perfectly normal. My mom even told me that as happily married as she was and is with my step-dad for 19 years now, she had a little niggle of sadness when she heard her high school boyfriend got married 10 years ago.
She said it’s natural to mourn the “death” of a relationship, because as long as you’re both single there’s that slim possibility your paths will cross again in the future and you’ll rekindle what you had.
And even if you’re not single, your memories of the relationship take on a different tone because there’s always the knowledge that the person is married in the back of your head.
I guess it is partly that, but I also think there’s been a perfect storm of events lately that have me feeling down about being single. A run of unsuccessful dates, three (count ‘em three) of my friends getting engaged in the last few weeks and now this created the ideal conditions for my very own pity party.
And while I KNOW that being single is much better than ultimately being with the wrong person – and several wise readers have commented to that effect in response to previous dating-related posts – it doesn’t make it any easier to be a single surrounded by supposedly happy couples.
Upon hearing the news my best friend, in typical best friend fashion, tried to cheer me up by saying that they’ll probably be divorced in a few years.
It was then that I realized, I don’t want them to get divorced. I don’t wish my ex any unhappiness and I haven’t held a flame for him all these years. My reaction was simply a result of seeing someone who was once at the exact same point in life as me find happiness in love.
And it made me wonder, when will it finally be my turn to find happiness in love?
Filed under Dating | Comment (1)Date update for the curious
Yesterday my best friend and I made a pact that if we’re not married by 50, we’ll buy houses next door to eachother and close enough for our multiple cats to jump from one porch to the other.
In case you couldn’t tell, my Sunday night date was not one of those “fireworks and choirs of angels singing” affairs. It’s not that the guy really did anything wrong, he just didn’t do anything for me. There were no sparks and while people call me picky and scoff at this statement, it’s true.
I’m not expecting meeting that special someone to be an earth-shaking experience, but I do want that little shiver of excitement that I’ve had with previous boyfriends. The one that puts a smile on your face just thinking of the person and makes you anticipate seeing them again the moment they leave.
Like I said, the guy did a lot of things right. He was nice, he asked questions, he bought the movie tickets in advance and tried to make a restaurant reservation (although they didn’t accept them), but it just wasn’t there.
I acknowledged this halfway through Gran Torino when I realized I was so engrossed in the movie I’d kind-of forgotten about him – yeah, not usually a good sign for a potential relationship.
I was perfectly nice during the date but I think he might have gotten the hint when I had my keys out and my hand on the car door handle as soon as he pulled up to my place. He offered to walk me to the door but I told him it was cold out so I’d probably just rush inside.
In my defense, it was cold outside, but if there was a spark I would have been perfectly happy letting that keep me warm…
Filed under Dating | Comment (1)Sunday date night
Stop the presses, Saver in the City is going on a date tonight! I met this guy earlier in the week and so far he’s done everything right: called on day two – take note, guys, the “three-day rule” is so passe – invited me out a few days in advance, put together an actual plan and offered to come pick me up even though I live out of the way.
What I know about him: he’s 26 (does a three-year age difference make me a cradle robber?), he was born and raised here and he skis and does triathlons in his free time. Oh, and he’s a CPA so how perfect is that timing? Even if there are no romantic sparks, at least I can get a little free tax advice :-)
Filed under Dating | Comments (2)My other guilty pleasure
As if my daily Starbucks wasn’t enough, the other guilty pleasure I can’t live without is ABC’s The Bachelor. It’s decidedly less expensive than my Starbucks habit but equally as indulgent, especially when some of the bachelorettes turn out to be real crazies.
If you didn’t know, last night was the premiere of the newest season of The Bachelor, featuring heartthrob Jason who was dumped at the altar – literally as he was down on one knee – by DeAnna Pappas in the previous season.
Jason seems like quite the catch (at least the TV persona we see) and I would be all over that if he lived in Texas or California. I mean, look at that picture…
Sorry, got a little distracted there. Anyway, the premise is Jason meets 25 ladies and after a series of dates he narrows it down to one who presumably will become his bride. I say presumably because ABC’s proposal-to-wedding ratio is not that impressive and as of writing this blog, only one couple has made it to the altar.
Which is not too surprising considering some of the women ABC has unearthed over the years – psycho stalkers, drunkards, a girl who constantly wore a tiara and listed her profession as “socialite,” etc. In Jason’s case, though, I think there are a few women who might actually be normal.
For the record, I’m listing my top 3 choices so that when he finally proposes (word on the street is he’s engaged) I can look back and say I told you so…or more likely, admit I have no idea what guys are thinking when it comes to relationships.
Nikki, 29 years old, administrative assistant
Jillian, 29 years old, interior designer
Lauren, 27 years old, teacher
Apparently we’re also in for a twist since the previews for next week show the evil-incarnate DeAnna, the one who left him at the altar, coming back to say she made a mistake and ask for another chance. What?!? Sorry, you only get one chance to break my Jason’s heart…
P.S. It’s times like these I’m glad this blog is anonymous :-)
Filed under Dating, Personal | Comments (2)9 resolutions for 2009
Happy New Year! Like many of you, I’ve taken some time these last few weeks to look back on what I’ve accomplished in 2008 and to look forward to what I’d like to achieve in 2009. I never shared last year’s goals so I won’t bore you with the details of what I’ve done, but suffice it to say I’m pretty pleased with the results.
If I’ve learned anything, though, it’s that you can’t rest on your laurels so below are my resolutions – some personal, some career and some financial and all in no particular order – for 2009:
*Workout at least 3 times per week: This was actually one of my resolutions last year and I’m proud to say I succeeded! Most of the time I actually worked out 4-5 times per week but having that minimum threshold kept me to my resolution so I’ve decided to do it again.
Deadline: ongoing
*Set up a CD ladder for my emergency fund: Okay I lied, I will bore you by talking about one of my accomplishments in 2008 – my $10,000 emergency fund. I didn’t have an emergency fund until last year and right now that money is sitting in a savings account making 2.75% 2.5% (darn ING lowered it again!). I’d love to maximize the return on this while still keeping the fund somewhat liquid but I need to do a little more research on CD laddering before I take the plunge.
Deadline: June 30, 2009
*Make a will: Now that I own a house and my net worth is getting up there, I really should have a will to ensure that my assets aren’t held up in the legal system should anything happen to me. I’ve put this off because 1) it’s kind-of morbid to think about being dead and 2) the cost to hire an attorney to make it legit…both of which are stupid reasons because the cost will be much higher to my parents – in both time and money – if I don’t do this.
Deadline: March 31, 2009
*Blog at least 4 times per week: Right now I’ve been averaging 6 posts per week but I know there will be some weeks that are busier than usual at work or life in general. I’m starting to write more posts in advance but even that is dependent on my schedule so I figure 4 times per week is a reasonable (and doable) goal.
Deadline: ongoing
*Be more social: I know, bad goal because it’s not specific or quantifiable, but I don’t really want to say I have to go out X times per week because that’s not what it’s really about. These last few months I’ve been so focused on saving money that I’ve sometimes turned down social invitations to the detriment of my relationships. I need to be a better friend and to learn to enjoy my time with them without feeling guilty that I’m spending money or that I could use that time to do something else “more productive.”
Deadline: ongoing
*Landscape my yard: My yard is fine as it is, but I’d love to add some flowers and more decorative accents to give it character. I have the money for this so it’s just a matter of getting the quotes, deciding on plants and flowers, researching contractors, hiring a company, setting the schedule…phew, already this is sounding exhausting so I’m giving myself the full year to accomplish this goal.
Deadline: December 31, 2009
*Reach 150 readers on my RSS feed: Honestly I have no idea if this would be considered a gimme or an aggressive goal since I’m so new to the blogging world. But at least it will give me something to work toward and will keep me motivated.
Deadline: December 31, 2009
*Read 6 financial books: I started becoming more interested in personal finance about six months ago when I read my first financial book ever, The Bogleheads Guide to Investing. Much to my surprise, it was an easy read and it taught me some of the things I was doing wrong or could do better. I’d love to continue my learning, not just for personal purposes but also so that I can pass on some of the best tidbits to you!
Deadline: December 31, 2009
*Get over my ex-boyfriend: I kind-of hate using up one of my resolutions on him so I think I’ll re-label this one, “Don’t let/keep toxic people in my life.” He lied, I’m pretty sure he cheated and he was just an unfit boyfriend in general. I broke up with him, so why has this been so hard?
Deadline: As soon as possible
*Move to California: My entire family is in California and every time I visit it is that much harder to return to Texas. I miss my parents, my nieces and nephews, friends and just being in California in general. Texas has been wonderful to me but these past three years I’ve learned that my heart is wherever my family is…
Deadline: December 31, 2009 (although I reserve the right to move it back since this resolution is contingent on finding a job I like at least as much as I like my current job)
Summed up, I basically want to be a better daughter, sister, friend, girlfriend (hopefully!), saver, investor, homeowner, employee and blogger. Piece of cake, right? :-)
Filed under Career, Dating, Finances, Investing, Personal | Comment (1)