More dating adventures for your amusement

And no, this is not a joke.

This actually happened about three weeks ago but I waited to post it because, well, I’m paranoid that my very public venting about various dating misadventures will one day make it back to the involved parties. Yes this blog is anonymous, but some of the stories are quite distinctive and memorable…in a not-so-wonderful way.

Case in point: I recently went on a date with a fireman who seemed like a great guy. Besides saving people’s lives for a living (that should be enough, right?), he said he was a Christian and he’d been on several mission trips to South Africa. I mean, this guy seemed like a shoe-in for sainthood.

He’d texted me the day before saying he’d brushed against some poison oak in his backyard and that his arm and above his eye were somewhat red, but that he still wanted to meet me. I thought it was kind-of cute that he seemed a little nervous about it.

So we’re on the date and things are going okay when he brings up the poison oak. Honestly, it wasn’t that bad and I joked about him rolling around in the poison oak just to get a little sympathy out of me. Here’s where the conversation took a turn for the worst:

FIREMAN: So you wouldn’t roll around with me in poison oak? [said completely with a straight face]

ME: Um, well, I’m not really into that whole pain thing…
[trying to gauge if he’s serious, or just really bad at joking around]

Usually I’m a pretty good judge of someone’s sense of humor but there was no twinkle in the eye, no twitch of the lip, nothing. He was starting to make me uncomfortable and I thought my comment and nervous laugh were ample clue to let the subject drop.

But no, he persisted.

FIREMAN: Really? You don’t think that’s a little sexy to just go at it in the bushes?

ME: Um…

FIREMAN: So, are you more a missionary-style kind of girl then?

And….date over. Can any male out there tell me why a guy would think that was appropriate conversation for a first date?!?

I can say with certainty I hadn’t made any sexual innuendos or suggestions, or pulled my shirt down or done anything else that would have given him the impression I was interested in talking about sex. I don’t consider myself a prude, but talking to a stranger about my sexual preferences on a first date is not my idea of okay.

Lesson learned? Don’t go on a date with a guy that tells you he has a rash.

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