Things I wish I didn’t know

There are some things I wish I didn’t know. Such as:

1. How many calories there really are in a Cinnabon
2. That Jude Law cheated on his wife (he’ s never been the same for me since)
3. That my ex-boyfriend is now married

The last one is what had me in a funk all day yesterday. I “just happened” to come across my ex-boyfriend’s (one of the good ones, not the most recent ex) wedding announcement on the Internet along with a link to the photo album from his wedding in December.

Complete with pictures of him gazing adoringly into his new wife’s eyes, holding hands in sepia-toned bliss and grinning as he slipped off her garter.

Kill me now.

I literally got chills all over my body, then broke out into a cold sweat and I had to shut my office door – yes, I was doing this at work – because I was tearing up at the sight of it all.

I don’t know why it affected me so much. If you’d have asked me earlier this week, I would have confidently told you that I was 100% over him. I’m still dumbfounded that I felt so sad about the news.

After talking to my mom and a few friends, though, I’m a little relieved to hear that my reaction was perfectly normal. My mom even told me that as happily married as she was and is with my step-dad for 19 years now, she had a little niggle of sadness when she heard her high school boyfriend got married 10 years ago.

She said it’s natural to mourn the “death” of a relationship, because as long as you’re both single there’s that slim possibility your paths will cross again in the future and you’ll rekindle what you had.

And even if you’re not single, your memories of the relationship take on a different tone because there’s always the knowledge that the person is married in the back of your head.

I guess it is partly that, but I also think there’s been a perfect storm of events lately that have me feeling down about being single. A run of unsuccessful dates, three (count ‘em three) of my friends getting engaged in the last few weeks and now this created the ideal conditions for my very own pity party.

And while I KNOW that being single is much better than ultimately being with the wrong person – and several wise readers have commented to that effect in response to previous dating-related posts – it doesn’t make it any easier to be a single surrounded by supposedly happy couples.

Upon hearing the news my best friend, in typical best friend fashion, tried to cheer me up by saying that they’ll probably be divorced in a few years.

It was then that I realized, I don’t want them to get divorced. I don’t wish my ex any unhappiness and I haven’t held a flame for him all these years. My reaction was simply a result of seeing someone who was once at the exact same point in life as me find happiness in love.

And it made me wonder, when will it finally be my turn to find happiness in love?

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